One of my students was wearing a non-dress code "I ♥ Boobies" bracelet in class on Friday. I'd already told him that the bracelet was verboten, so I confiscated it this time. Now, this is a pretty good kid I'm talking about. He does his work, he's pleasant in class, and I don't wish his mother had smothered him as an infant.
He kept asking me to let him have his bracelet back, so I made a deal. We're in a poetry unit, so I figured it wouldn't hurt him to put his knowledge to work. I told him that if he wrote an elegy for his bracelet, and if it contained one approximate rhyme along with some exact rhymes, I would give him back his bracelet upon my determining his elegy was Boobie-bracelet worthy. If it wasn't worthy, I would give it to the teacher in the room next to mine.
The student turned up first thing this morning and handed me a folded piece of paper. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Elegy for Boobies.
I can't believe you took my booby bracelet,
Cause now I'm having a fit.
My bracelet was green.
There wasn't even any red.
And yet to me my bracelet was still dead.
Actually I'm glad it wasn't taken by a dean,
Plus I'm starting to get thirsty,
So gimme a cup of tiger blood,
Cause I can't take much more of this crud.
Now I'm starting to get tisky,
So please gimme back my booby bracelet,
Cause I can't let you walk away with it.
So please don't give it to the teacher,
Cause she'll stand over there saying
"Neener neener neener,"
And all my sadness will turn into jealousy
And those boobies will be nothing but a memory,
Because it was destiny
For you to give it back to me
So I can stand over there grinning
And be like Charlie Sheen. "Epic Winning, Winning!!"
Not exactly Thomas Gray, but not bad for an 8th grade kid. Yeah, he got his bracelet back.
But I made him wait until the end of the school day.
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